Why do we avoid certain emotions?
Yesterday, I listened to “The One You Feed” podcast, Episode #375: The Energy of Emotions with Ralph De La Rosa. Ralph spoke about the energy that emotions bring, the complexity of “uncomfortable” emotions, and what might change if we gave those uncomfortable emotions attention.
Underneath the Surface Emotion
During the pandemic, not every emotion is as it seems. Have you noticed that? There is so much going on. There are so many changes. There is not just a singular emotion. There’s nuance and complexity. For example, there can be joy in seeing a friend buy a house coupled with jealousy based on your own financial struggles or job loss. There can be a feeling of hope in seeing people get vaccinated and anger and grief at how terribly slow the roll out is and at the magnitude of so much loss that has already occurred. The surface emotion might not always be the truth. That’s why spending more time with an emotion can be beneficial.
Our Error in Categorizing Emotions as “Good” or “Bad”
Many of us may notice a discomfort and try to ignore or push past that emotion. Why? Somewhere we’ve learned that some emotions are good and some emotions are bad. Presumably, the bad emotions are the ones that make us uncomfortable or cause pain, like anger, shame, guilt, embarrassment, disappointment, etc. When we encounter a “bad” emotion we then feel resistance towards it. We don’t want it to be there at all.
What if we didn’t categorize anger, shame, guilt, embarrassment, disappointment, etc as “bad”? What if we can accept them as simply a sign to pay attention to our inner experience?
When we have physical pain, the pain causes us to stop and pay attention to what’s hurting. What if we did the same for mental and emotional pain?
Can You Have Compassion for the Difficult Emotions?
Ralph De La Rosa emphasized that “if something is bothering you, that’s an invitation to go a little deeper with yourself.” Can we use compassion to inch ourselves a bit closer to the discomfort?
Often I hear that “I don’t have the energy” or “I don’t have the time” to face the anger, sadness, disappointment, etc. I think what people aren’t aware of is how much energy they spend in avoiding that emotion. The avoidance can grow into maladaptive behaviors (like addiction, social isolation, repression of an identity, etc) and become even more consuming.
Acknowledging the uncomfortable emotion and examining it with curiosity might take less energy. It could also reveal information that helps us heal. Our feared emotions can be great teachers, but we have to be willing to let them in.
Links to browse:
Learn more about Ralph De La Rosa
Listen to “The One You Feed” Podcast