Collectively, we are experiencing an ongoing pandemic
With an ever-moving finish line, we’ve all become well acquainted with uncertainty. We are being forced to tolerate discomfort.
On the surface, we see the daily adjustments: more frequent handwashing, fewer trips to the grocery store, wearing masks, and so on. There are changes to the ways we socialize: we keep our distance physically, we hug only those in our households, we opt for FaceTime and Zoom. Our relationships with those in our households may have shifted, too. And of course, there is the emotional experience of loss — whether that’s from postponing a personal goal or milestone event, losing a job, experiencing the death of a loved one, or coming to the realization that your sense of safety has been permanently altered. Beyond this, we may also be experiencing or re-experiencing depression, anxiety, or a number of other concerns.
You may have never thought you would experience this reality, and yet here you are. These are all challenging adjustments. These are also experiences we can name. What about the unnamed? What’s below the surface, psychologically?
What the pandemic magnifies for us psychologically is based on our own unique histories.
Here are some themes that might be just below your surface:
Boundaries:
It might feel as thought there should be one set of safety precautions everyone follows during a pandemic, but as the months go on we’ve seen deviations from what CDC has outlined. People want their “normal” back and while that feeling may be understandable, it can lead to many conflicts and boundary violations.
If you have a friend or family member who is not following rules the way you are, you may find yourself constantly having to state your boundaries and explain your reasoning. In an ideal scenario, they hear your words and honor your boundary lines. In other scenarios, you might be met with family members or friends who just don’t understand or even minimize your wants and needs. In general, this could leave you feeling confused, exhausted, or invalidated by someone close to you.
Remember that your boundaries are important and they deserve to be respected by all. You should not have to over-explain how you feel. If you spoke from the heart and you spoke clearly, that is enough.
Our Relationship to Taking Up Space:
What is your relationship to taking up space? Did you grow up being told not to take up space? Did you make yourself smaller at work or in a past relationship? If so, being told to stay home as much as possible during a pandemic — essentially having physical space taken away — can magnify this experience. Similarly, being told what to do and then having the rules shift can challenge our emotional space and leave us feeling unsteady.
When physical space is taken away, we may have to be especially creative in allowing ourselves to expand and grow into different spaces. When emotional space is altered, we may have to be incredibly attuned to our person and continually check in on our needs and wants to feel steadied.
Emotional Incest:
Emotional incest occurs when a parent looked to their child to provide emotional support. The child learns to stop paying attention to their own feelings and instead focuses on the parent’s. The child’s emotional response gets dismantled. As this child grows into an adult, certain emotions (commonly “difficult” or “inconvenient” ones like anger, frustration, sadness, etc) may have become dismantled, such that when this child is an adult that emotion isn’t really there anymore.
This pandemic is a unique experience that pulls on so many parts of us. Every emotion you feel is valid. You deserve to feel angry, disappointed, stressed, unmotivated and to fully express that. Sharing an uncomfortable emotion in a self-reflective way like journaling or out loud with a supportive person can be very reparative.
Our Relationships to Productivity and Rest:
In the face of a traumatic experience, our relationships to productivity or rest can transform. You might usually be a “productive” person and find yourself requiring significantly more rest. Give yourself that gift without judgment. You might find yourself feeling pressure to be highly productive. Pay attention to if your productivity becomes frantic. Remember that your self-worth is independent of your productivity.
On the other hand, you might find yourself reaching for ways to feel incredibly busy. Taking on additional tasks or responsibilities for the sake of avoiding an uncomfortable feeling. Slow down enough so that you can notice what emotion is underneath your drive to be productive.
Insert Your Theme Here:
When you examine your own unique psychological history, you may surface themes that help shed light on why this ongoing pandemic is uniquely challenging for you. These themes may change over time. They may ebb and flow depending on the day, our stressors, our relationships, our current support systems, and so on. When we journey into expanded self-awareness, we are better able to understand our needs and take good care of ourselves.
May we all remain curious about ourselves and grow in the directions we need to.