How to Develop Radical Compassion When you Feel Unworthy:

I recently finished reading Tara Brach’s latest book, Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN. In it, she talks about how we can find ourselves in trances and in particular, the trance of unworthiness. You may be in the trance of unworthiness when you notice self-blame or that you are feeling numb — it’s about how you treat yourself when things aren’t going right. It’s the, “I’m not good enough” voice that builds and builds.

Sadly, the trance of unworthiness can become so familiar to us we may hardly notice when it’s happening.

One way you can come out of the trance of unworthiness is to acknowledge what’s happening in the moment and give yourself what you need. Tara Brach uses the mnemonic RAIN:

R - Recognize - You can ask yourself: “What is happening?” “What is coming up for me right now?”

A - Allow - Allow the feeling or thought to just be there.

I - Investigate - Bring attention to your experience, maybe this is asking “What are the feelings like?”, “What is the most difficult thing I am believing right now?”, “How does this part want me to be with it?”

N - Nurture - This step is about asking yourself, “What do I need?” You can call on your most compassionate self to engage in a loving gesture (like hand on heart, hand cradling head, etc), imagine a calming image or person, or do whatever else lets you feel nurtured.

After the RAIN - Notice anything that has shifted in you after completing RAIN

Of course, coming out of the trance of unworthiness takes a lot of effort and practice. Like any new skill, you may need to practice RAIN at times when you feel calm in order to gain mastery and start to use it when you are faced with a more distressing emotion. If you’re new to mindfulness completely, you might build practice with a daily guided meditation. You can download some of these here: https://soundcloud.com/insightla_meditation/sets

Below you’ll find a visual essay / comic about the trance of unworthiness:

Comic by Hillary Thomas