What is the stress cycle?

Our stress cycle is a system that gets activated the moment we perceive a threat. You may know it as your “fight, flight, or freeze” response. When a stressor is observed, the first thing that happens is your brain notices and interprets risk. Then, you follow with an action. Then, you feel an emotion after engaging in the action and that usually completes the cycle.

Here’s an example from Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. on page 114-115 of her book Come As You Are.

“Suppose the threat is a lion — the kind of threat we were dealing with in the environment where the mechanism evolved in our early ancestors. The stress response cycle notices the lion and shouts, “I’m at risk! What do I do?” A lion, your brain informs you in much less than a second, is the kind of threat you are most likely to survive by trying to escape.

So what do you do when you see a lion coming after you?

You feel fear, and you run.

And then what happens?

There are only two possible outcomes, right? Either you get killed by the lion, in which none of the rest of this matters, or you escape and live. So imagine that you successfully run back to your village and scream for help and everyone helps you slaughter the lion, and then you all eat it for dinner, and in the morning you have a respectful burial service for the parts of the carcass you won’t be using, giving reverent thanks for the lion’s sacrifice.

And how do you feel now?

Relieved! Grateful to be alive! You love your friends and family!

And that is the complete stress response cycle, with beginning (“I’m at risk!”), middle (action), and end (“I’m safe!”).

Sometimes though, we aren’t able to engage in a flight or fight response (in which the action leads to an emotional release). Sometimes we get stuck in freeze and the stress cycle is interrupted. Emily Nagoski points out that animals who have to engage in freeze for their survival, usually next engage in an action like shaking, trembling, vibrating, or exhaling and that’s how their cycle completes.

Our day to day stressors aren’t as dramatic as being chased by lions (hopefully!). Unlike the above scenario; however, we can experience ongoing or chronic stressors that don’t have a clear ending. We also live in a society that isn’t very emotion-centered. On the whole we would prefer to move around the discomfort rather than face it or give it space. But, an “I’ll deal with it later” or “It’s not a big deal” type of attitude halts the cycle. There can be a meta-emotion about the emotion and they may fight back and forth.

Over time, stress response cycles that do not complete can lock up and live inside your mind and body. Physically our bodies might store pain in certain areas. Emotionally we might discover patterns of avoidance or develop maladaptive behaviors.

How do I complete the stress cycle?

You know you best. You’ve completed the cycle effectively many times before. If you feel stuck on how, you might try engaging in a physical activity (like running, walking, yoga, tai chi, dancing, affection with others, - even a good cry), a mindful activity (mindfulness, meditation, body scans), or a reflective activity (like making art or writing in your journal, etc). Why do these work? They move you away from an alarmed state back into your body. You can navigate from tension to calm in a gentle way. Doing this will help your mind and your body to feel centered again.

Is it really that easy?

Yes and no.

In order to complete the stress cycle you have to be able to identify when you are stressed. This sounds obvious, but it’s not. We live in a culture where there are “inconvenient” and “bad” emotions and this construct alone creates a barrier. So, right after your brain senses a threat - there can be a judgement. And judgement derails the next step, action. Additionally, we may have developed to be more “in our heads” or more “in our bodies.” For example, an overthinker may dismiss the connection between physical pain and an emotion or they may be so disconnected from their body they might not even register a bodily sensation at all.

If you’re learning to be more attuned to your emotions, it can be helpful to do brief body scans guided by a meditation. You can download some of these, here: https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/mindful-meditations

You also have to have had the experience of using an adaptive coping action and experience the release from that working. This also sounds easy, but can be complicated. You may have had maladaptive coping modeled for you. Maladaptive coping could look like addiction, disordered eating, maladaptive daydream, withdrawal or isolation, and so on. I say maladaptive with the recognition that none of our behaviors are truly bad so long as we can look at them and learn from them. You may have a coping action that worked before and now doesn’t work the same way. You might not be able to do your coping action in the exact moment that you are experiencing the stressor.

This is all okay. This is all a process of developing a relationship with yourself, attuning to your needs, and giving yourself what you need after experiencing a stressor.